Here We Go Again

It’s well past the time I should be in bed and getting a good night’s sleep before my first day … as a librarian … in a library ….

You’ll have to forgive me.  I’m still a bit giddy about the whole thing.  Hence the not slumbering peacefully.  I’ve travelled a long and bumpy road to get here, with a lot of sleepless nights and panicky fretting and second guessing myself.  All leading to this night before starting down a new path.  It’s fitting that I should find myself here in the final days of summer.  As a little girl, I can remember always having a difficult time settling down on the night before the first day of school.

Back to school season always signaled to me a time of new beginnings and new opportunities.  It was an opportunity to redefine yourself.  There were new wardrobes and new lunchboxes and anything seemed possible.  Perhaps this would be the year that I would be cool (it never was).

And it seems that I never really get that far away from third grade, because here I sit, worrying about how I’ll do tomorrow.

Will I be able to learn things quickly?

Can I keep the mistakes to a minimum?

Will I get along with my coworkers?

You know, the last minute deluge of self-doubt.  It’s there, but so is that thrill of the new and the unknown.

Time to learn something new.

Time to do something different.

Time to meet new people.

And so far, the thrill always wins out over the panic – well, except for that year that I lost my breakfast on the first day of school, but let’s not think about that right now.

It’s that need to move forward.  To be an actor in my life.  To do.  So I feel the fear, and then take a deep breath and step into it.  And here we go again.

Time for some new and thrilling adventures.

If you think about it too much, you just might lose your nerve. At some point, you just have to go.